I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
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And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The ass gains better be worth it
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