Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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