when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He shit in the fireplace
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
