it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
