Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
