at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
