How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
