Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
