If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Randomize
