Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
