she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
