My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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