i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
