Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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