the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My penis needs a shock collar
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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