I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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