I am puke
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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