Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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