obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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