We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
