Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You pole danced in your parka.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
