I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
