I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
