We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
