so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
