Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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