I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
