Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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