i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
