In the future we'll all be gay
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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