Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
