my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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