I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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