I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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