ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
