I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
