I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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