he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
