i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
