I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
