oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
