I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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