My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
