I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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