oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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