I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize