ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
