dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
