You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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