getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
