If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
