Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I AM VODKA MAN
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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