I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
