She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
