help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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