I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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