Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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