My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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