THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
