you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
