this boner is exhausting
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
