i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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