Farmville is her only friend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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