at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
