Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
