whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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