There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
