Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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