Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
