at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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