My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
