doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
