i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
