i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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