I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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