my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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