Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
