Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
