it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drunk is not a location!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
