I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
