yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
